3 Good reasons to make the first MOVE

So here is what I love about yahoo, they always thrill me with lots of information and stuffs that I was so careless enough and things that really boost my energy and intuition to do the right thing and believe that what I'm doing is just RIGHT!

So to prove this theory, another inside story of yahoo have caught my attention ...

Read, believe and make it happen... see things this way, "its really fun being a girl"

Author: Theo Pauline Nestor

When my friend Stuart was a teenager, he and his friend were on a mission to find some fireworks. They stumbled into a convenience store where Stuart found himself face to face with a young and attractive clerk. Stuart then meekly inquired, “Do you have any firecrackers here?” The young woman, he recalls, scanned him from head to toe in a slow once-over and then breathily replied, “Just me, honey.”

Shy and flustered, Stuart admits he left the store that day pretty darn fast, but also confesses that most of his relationships throughout his life have been initiated by women because, as he tells it, he’s a “chicken” when it comes to making the first move. While I rather admire the nervy convenience store clerk, I tend to be a little more like Catherine, a 41-year-old nurse who was taught that nice girls don’t make the first move. Two years ago, Catherine decided to challenge the rules she grew up with and contacted a guy on Match.com whose profile caught her eye.

“This was a biggie for me,” Catherine says, “after being raised by a Catholic ex-Marine with four daughters who always said guys will think you are easy if you call them. Of course, he refused to let us pierce our ears or wear makeup because he wasn’t, after all, ‘raising a bunch of harlots.’” Today, she’s still going strong with the man with the intriguing profile. All good-girl Catherine needed to do was take a chance and break out of her ingrained (but outdated) patterns concerning dating stereotypes.

Like Catherine, many women have decided they’re not interested in waiting around and have realized that there are a lot of good reasons why a man might not be making the first move. Here are a few possibilities to consider:

1. He’s not so good at flirting

You might think of it this way: there’s one set of skills that are crucial for initiating relationships (flirting, for example), and there’s a completely separate set of skills for sustaining an established relationship. The man you’re interested in could be very skilled at sustaining a relationship, but have no clue when it comes flirting (and if you think about it, a guy like this might be a very good catch). Remember my friend, Stuart? He belongs to the latter category. “I’ve made the first move a couple of times,” Stuart says, “and they’ve been disasters. One previous girlfriend noted that I have zero flirting skills, which is what most people use to judge the terrain before making a move. Because I just lumber in, it’s usually a disaster. So almost all of my, uh, dates have been initiated by the woman or have been low-risk setups.”

2. He’s just a wee bit intimidated

Remember that annoying “Out of your league” expression? As in, “Don’t even try it, man. She’s waaaaaaaaay out of your league.” Well, as silly as that sort of thinking is to us now that we’re grown, it can linger on in some men’s brains and create confidence-crushing fantasies, such as this one:

1) Glance at beautiful woman;

2) Wonder momentarily if maybe, just maybe, she’d…

3) Have fantasy brutally interrupted by memory of “frenemy” (think Reggie from the Archie comic books or Iago from Othello) jeering: “Forget about it, man. She’s waaaaaay outta your...” and scene. Some fantasy, right?

In fact, I think this is exactly what may have happened to Sara’s future husband, Tom. At the time — some 15 years ago now — Sara and Tom were both working as promoters in the music industry. “People at radio stations all around the country would say to me, in a sing-song voice, ‘Somebody liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiikes you!’” says Sara, now a 44-year-old psychotherapist. “It actually began to annoy me, because I felt that if he liked me so much he should let me know. I refused to make the next move because I thought the whole thing smacked of high school.”

But when Tom did finally work up the nerve to call Sara, her roommate told him she was in Santa Fe for the weekend. Tom then conjured up the idea that if a beautiful woman like Sara were in Santa Fe, she must be there on a romantic weekend with a boyfriend. So, intimidated and discouraged, Tom decided not to ask Sara out. A year later when Sara spotted Tom at a party, she decided to make the first move. “Are you ever going to ask me out?” asked Sara. “I will now,” Tom replied. And he did. They’ve been married for 15 years.

3. He’s been treated badly in past relationships

Maybe you’re a bit like Sara and you’re thinking, “If he likes me so much, surely he can ask me out!” But before you dismiss him on the grounds of “not stepping up to the plate,” stop to consider what he’s been through. A painful, recent rejection — a long relationship ending suddenly against his wishes, perhaps — might be one reason why he’s hesitant to put himself on the line.

Sometimes, making “the first move” doesn’t even mean asking the guy out. It can be as easy as taking the conversation with an acquaintance to the next level by turning it from what’s happening in the news to what’s happening over the weekend. As Sara recalls, “It worked out well, my making the first move, but there was a lot of groundwork to be put down beforehand that helped me make that move a little bit easier.”

Theo Pauline Nestor is a regular contributor to Happen magazine and author of How to Sleep Alone in a King-Size Bed: A Memoir of Starting Over (Crown 2008).

So my dear readers, how was that? after reading this article, I feel like as if there was a bomb shell in me that has suddenly blast off without notice and now thinking that, maybe guys like Tom really does exist and I'm just a lot like Sara. Then I say, waiting for that right moment is a good thing for a girl, but if you are certain enough about the guys feelings, why not encourage and push him to admit it, beside letting him know how you feel about his attitudes towards you won't hurt a lot and will equally benefit you to stop thinking "why, he's like that to me" and if it it turns out that your wrong about it, you may now opt to stop wondering about what's the real score with your so called friendship. .

Is virginity really that IMPORTANT?

May nangyari man or wala... 

I do believe that its all because we respect each other

 more than we believe in ourselves 

and our family expects from us. 

WORDS

by Angela Manalang Gloria

I never meant the words I said,

So trouble not your honest head

And never mean the words I write,

But come and kiss me now goodnight.

The words I said break with the thunder

Of billows surging into spray:

Unfathomed depths withhold the wonder

Of all the words I never say.

This poem is from POEMS (1940).

“I knew we clicked when...”

By Kimberly Dawn Neumann

Sure, many happy couples claim they just knew when they’d found The One. But if you get them to sit down and think about it, nearly all of them end up admitting that an actual, real-world occurrence — not their amazing sixth sense — tipped the scales from “in like” to “in love.” Take, for example, these five couple’s “a-ha!” moments below. Keep an eye out for similar scenarios in your own dating life and you may soon have your own “We knew we were meant for each other when…” story to recount one day.

“The trip was a wash — but we still had an incredible time!”
Case history: “I was on vacation in Bermuda with my girlfriend. Terrible weather kept us stuck inside nearly the whole time. But somewhere between ordering pizza and watching movies, I realized that I was having a phenomenal time anyway. It didn’t matter what we were doing, I just loved being with her. I knew after that trip that I was going to propose.”
— Doug Schulein, Newport Beach, CA

Love lesson: When you’ve met your match, everything’s a blast! “The best way to tell if you’re compatible is to be somewhere alone without people or distractions,” says Sam R. Hamburg, Ph.D., author of Will Our Love Last? “If you’re having a great time just with each other’s company, that’s a very good sign.” Hamburg warns that couples who spend most of their courtship around other people may find that they have very little to talk about when they’re away from a group. Make sure you can exist “alone” as a couple.

“It was love at first fight”
Case history: “Ironically, it was our first argument that made me realize we clicked as a couple. One night when my boyfriend and I were newly dating, we had a dilly of a disagreement on the phone. But instead of hanging up, my boyfriend made me stay on the line for four hours until we’d worked through it and communicated our sides fairly. His rule was ‘never go to sleep angry’ and by sticking to that we were able to move forward rather than break up. Now we’re engaged.”
— Regina Petruzzi, Reston, VA

Love lesson: How you deal during your low points means a lot. “The key to dealing with the lows is riding them out with your partner, as Regina’s boyfriend insisted on doing, rather than running away from them,” says Hamburg. “The main reason couples’ fights don’t get resolved is because they can’t stand the anxiety that comes from finding themselves in conflict with the person they love.” That’s why couples who can deal with tiffs without losing their heads have it made.

“We needed to break up to realize we were right for each other”
Case history: “Kerry and I had dated on and off for awhile before breaking up for nine months. One day during that time, I happened to read an article in the New York Times about Einstein’s brain. In an instant, I thought: 1) She must have read the article because she always reads the paper, and 2) If we were together right now we would have had an interesting conversation about it. In that moment, I missed her intensely and thought maybe I’d made a mistake letting her go. That was the beginning of my journey back to the woman who’s now my wife.”
— Adam Heller, New York, NY

Love lesson: Absence can make the heart grow fonder. Breaking up with someone doesn’t always mean it’s over. After a hiatus, many couples reunite and are stronger than ever, having gained a newfound perspective on their relationship and appreciation for its strengths, says Hamburg. So if an ex you haven’t talked to or even thought about in months or years suddenly enters your mind, don’t discount it as a fluke. Fate could be trying to tell you something. Maybe it’s time to make that call or compose that email.

“Wow, she actually liked my odd sense of humor!”
Case history: “Not long after we met, Molly and I were on a drive and spotted a huge pond. Molly commented that for the frogs who lived there, it must feel like the Great Lakes. So doing my best Gordon Lightfoot I sang — to the tune of The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald — ‘The legend lives on from the bullfrogs on down, of the big lake they call Ribbit-goomie.’ We laughed until we were crying. At that moment, I knew that someone who likes my humor and doesn’t think it’s completely dorky is the person I had to marry.”
— Winfield Cline, Spokane, WA

Love lesson: Those who laugh together, stay together. Sure, we all know that someone who makes us giggle is gold. But it’s not just because it’s fun to have our own personal comedian. “It means you ‘get’ each other,” says Hamburg. “That means that when you hit a rough spot — and all relationships do, from time to time — you can laugh about that together as well and strengthen your bond.”

“I was terrified — and my thoughts turned to her”
Case history: “I knew that Heidi was The One after I ended up in the ER with horrible pains in my abdomen that led to surgery. When I woke up after the operation, I knew the person I wanted to see more than anyone was my girl! Realizing that the face I wanted to see was Heidi’s definitely sealed the deal.” — Scott McLeod, Costa Mesa, CA

Love lesson: A crisis can be a big wake-up call. Traumatic experiences, big or small, can often snap people from casual relationship status into true love mode. If no one — not even your friends or family — can offer you solace like the person you’re seeing, that’s a clear sign your relationship has legs. “Sometimes the most important reason we click with a person is that we feel a sense of safety with that person,” says Hamburg. “While people may not be compatible in some ways, we have a deep certainty that our romantic partners want to make sure we always have the emotional supplies we most need.”


Kimberly Dawn Neumann is a New York City-based writer and performer whose work has appeared in such publications as Marie Claire, Fitness, and Prevention.